Lost In Translation

So I had a very surreal day: I've just come back from recording my voice at a television studio for them to use in a new commercial.

A young entrepreneur has opened a wine, cheese, and sake shop in Ozu, the next town over. He tasked one of the local newsmen (there are three) with creating an advertisement for his shop. It just so happens that the newsman he hired is friends with some of my coworkers at the Yakuba and he ended up meeting me at the Ikazaki Kite Festival. I didn't know it at the time, but as soon as he saw me - he explained today - he got the idea for his commercial.

To those of you living under a rock for the past...oh...50 years or so, you have to understand that English = Cool in Japan. You see 'Engrish' T-shirts everywhere (some you can tell they really haven't a clue, thank god), and for most businesses having English in their advertisements is something of a status quo. So, I agreed to help.

Hiroko and I translated the owner's Japanese phrases as best we could (if we translated them directly, it sounded ridiculous, so Hiroko gave me the basic theme or feeling and I sort of winged it from there). Then, I went to the recording studio today to record my voice with the video.

I couldn't stop laughing! Honestly, I just kept thinking about that scene from Lost In Translation. My "director" (friendly newsman, really nice guy) kept giving directions in Japanese that I couldn't understand and my friend/coworker Hiroko would try to translate. All I understood was "like Madonna" which - as any of you who have spent any time with me would know - is a very hard imitation for me to pull off!

I believe it was Gus who said, "Kirsten, you are the least flirtatious person I know." Well, it's true!! I can't be seductive if my life depended on it! So, they had to settle for my naturally low octave and slow reading.

That was just the beginning though. When we got past the "Madonna voice" I was supposed to use for the English part, I was also supposed to finish with the store's name in Japanese. I was really looking forward to this. I'll be the first to admit my vocabulary retention sucks, BUT I've always prided myself on pronunciation. My UVM professor told me it was great back then and many times folks have commented that they thought I could speak more fluently than I do because the things I can say I say pretty well.

Anyway, so we get to the end and I finish smoothly, no problem: "Sake no Sawada". See? Rolls off the tongue pretty easily. No problem...but they didn't look happy. Ok, take two: "Sake no Sawada". Still no smiles. I was starting to feel kind of ashamed. After the same response with take three, I was about to ask Hiroko what the problem was when the director explained a bit in Japanese.

Hiroko turned to me, "He says the commercial is cool with a native English speaker."

Uuuuum, "I AM a native English speaker."

She looked amused, "But you don't sound like it. You sound Japanese."

"Oh." Well then.

I was feeling smug, I'll confess, when the director said something more.

"He says to please speak like you don't know Japanese. Like you just came to Japan."

I had to think a few seconds.

"Please speak with an English accent."

Ok, let's stop right there for a moment and I'm going to put this into perspective for you all...

The entire time I've been here, I'd say as much as 80% of all conversations are about me an my Japanese. I usually get the "ganbatte" (keep at it, persevere), some say I'm sounding good, and more then a few have said that I shouldn't have even come in the first place if I can't speak the language (guy at the bokken shop in the city, student's mom at an Enkai...). I don't think the Japanese are as bad as the French when it comes to language tolerance - as in how much abuse of their native tongue they will accept from foreigners brave enough to attempt to speak it - but they have their moments. Now, as I am being recorded for a TELEVISION COMMERCIAL, I am being asked to "please speak Japanese with an English accent".

To tell the truth, if the camera guy wasn't so nice, I would have been genuinely insulted. As it is, I understand where he's coming from. Japanese doesn't sell. Faltering Japanese with a heavy English accent does: it suggests the advertisement was done by a cool foreigner, fresh off the boat (erm, plane?) from America. How spiffy.

So, I ganbatte'd and said the damn line like an isolated suburban housewife without her glasses: "SA-ke NO sa-wa-DA".

"Perfect!"

Yeah. Woot. Go me. I'm American.